what did people do before the internet?
i guess there was a time when tv was the main brain sucker, but i have a sinking feeling that for our generation, and our time the main time sink is the internet. i mean, here i am, logged on, not really for any purpose or with any intent in mind other then trying to kill time. heaven forbid i actually leave my house and try to connect with some real people, instead i will sit here, in my room and troll the depths of the internet, wondering why i feel so alone and disconnected from the world around me.
in reality, i do try to get out a lot and meet people- mostly through volunteering and what not; and i guess i'm pretty american because when people don't instantly become my friend, i get disappointed and discouraged. but- really, i don't try to become people's friend! i always leave it up to them to pursue a friendship with me! how's that for silly?
back to the internet thing, i marvel sometimes at what it would take to conduct business before the internet....imagine, a world bereft of email, im, social networking and "shudder" internet research. it must of been a bleak world indeed.
and further more; how ever would one stay up to date on all the recent conspiracy theories and crack pot prophecies? it must have been a lot harder in those days to find a saviour....
i read/heard one time some statement to the affect that for every invention we come up with, we loose a bit of human potential.
have to wonder what we're killing off with all this wifi nonsense.
lately i've decided to start two missions- one; a suitable location to watch sunsets and two; a suitable coffeehouse/cafe in which to kill time. i'm pretty sure i have an idea of where to find #1 (just haven't gone there yet) where as #2 is a little more difficult. this being portland, many places close at 5ish as people switch to drinking beers; so most likely it will have to be a place that serves both nectars of the gods. also, my operating system is getting old; so my wireless doesn't work with encrypted wifi and having internet access plays a vital role in my ability to kill time.
speaking of time- i really have been feeling for a while that i've hit some sort of wall with my motivation/concentration....i know that there's all these things i should be doing now that i have time to do them; but i just keep putting them off....including reading. i can tear through 2-3 graphic novels a day, but i've barely put a dent in "the chalice and the blade" a book which i've been meaning to read for five freakin years. i read a page, and can't remember what i just read. it that a symptom of too much internet? intellectual over load? stress? maybe i'm glorifying my past, where i seem to think i used to read a lot more....maybe i never really had that much concentration....maybe, just maybe, i'm being too hard on myself.
i realize more and more that i may have a voice, opinion, writing style and vision that i want to share with others (hence this blog) but find myself struggling with the point of it all; and method of delivery.
do i just want to be a poet, attempting to verbally illuminate the beauty of this world? an armchair prophet telling of a future that may be and could be? a re-interpretive historian; telling the past through the language of the landscape? or just a lazy head who wants to pretend to be something i'm not....
what is the point of this world? is it to enjoy your life, or try to improve things for others- can you do both? HOW do you do both?
am i still constricted by a schedule i no longer have to follow? i still dread the coming of 5pm; as if i haven't accomplished anything by then my day is over. why is that? i'm not working; 5pm isn't the end of the day- further more the night is open to working too....
but- what is it that i'm working on? what is it that i'm doing? do i even know any more??
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