What with being unemployed and all, i've had a lot of time to sit, and think, and think, and think some more.
i realize in a lot of ways, that i'm just waiting for everything to come together, to find that final piece that falls into place and makes everything click. what i'm beginning to remember as i sit and wait is that my goal for myself, and my perceived strength, is being that piece for other people....
which kinda makes everything a bit harder on myself, because that doesn't really pay much!
sometimes i can o so clearly see how everything is working and how its all going to work and see my vision moving in front of me; then i get brought back to reality and all it takes to get there.
maybe that's in a large way a source of so much of my awkwardness, i'm so often living in the future, or a different reality, that its hard for me to relate to people living in the here and now....
somewhere i'm living this life were i'm removing toxins from the environment and spreading peace and love all over the damn place....
but here, and now, its almost all i can do to smile at people.
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